Dear Costco

I don’t know a gentle way to tell you this, but, I’m leaving you.
We have had a good run over the past three years.
But now, it’s over.
You have wooed me with your exclusivity, with the privilege of paying in order to go shopping.
With the promise of great deals and one-of-a-kind offers.
But I’m through.
Through walking around for endless steps on your hard concrete floor.
Through walking around the factory-like building, searching for something, I don’t know what.
But you will offer it to me, on row upon row of items that I really don’t need, but perhaps I would like.
I did like strolling those aisles, searching for the one thing that would make me happy.
Would it be the set of four ceramic bowls that are so colourful and hip that no kitchen should be without them?
Is it the huge quantity of bright and colourful sticky notes that no home office should be without?
From the jewellery – to the electronics – to the office supplies – to the bakery – to the grocery store – to the pharmacy – to the clothing and toys – there truly is something for everyone.
But not me.
I will miss the six pack of frozen French Onion Soups. They were a big hit in our household.
I will miss the 15-packs of YOP drinkable yogurt – a good deal by any stretch.
But I won’t miss the bakery aisle – offering 10-packs of bread that God knows what household needs. Who has a freezer that big?
Apparently, a lot of people do.
But I am not one of them.
I am tired of looking at the faces of everyone who shops at Costco like they are some sort of cult-ified zombie – expecting a great deal because they paid for the privilege of shopping there.
They all look dead to me.
I am sorry that my family of two is too small for that great big hunk of delicious salmon that would serve 10 easily.
I am sad that we would never get through the giant pies and salads and cheese wheels that are so readily available.
There was a time when our family had expanded to include four. I could have surely used Costco then.
But that was then.
The giant sized rolls of toilet paper and paper towels; the oversized packages of salads; the multi-packs of everything; way too much for us.
It almost makes me gag at the enormity of the excess of everything that Costco offers.
And for people who actually USE everything that they purchase, I am sure it is a great deal.
But for me, I don’t want to buy a two-pack of a giant size shampoo or even face cream, because quite frankly, after I finish one bottle or jar, I am ready to try another brand.
That’s just how I roll.
Whatever is on sale at the local drug store, that’s what I deem is ready for me.
I like to change up my brands every time one supply runs out, just to keep the element of surprise in things.
It seems to me that Costco is harshing my mellow of how things should be.
Too much of everything is not a good thing.
Oh sure, for people who are running a business, it is a great idea – they need those giant portions at a reasonable price.
But for the average person, just to be able to tell someone they got something at Costco, and have the other person nod their head in agreement and understanding, is not worth it for me.
Oh sure, I will miss their magazine, full of interesting articles and advertisements of all their specials.
But lately the quality of those products seems to be lacking.
Frozen shrimp wonton soup we used to love, seems to have less and less shrimp.
A set of Martha Stewart towels were never that soft as they boasted.
A loungewear set never really fit right.
And so, Costco, the bloom is off the rose.
The gilt is off the gold.
We are done, Costco.


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